Description of Challenge
We tend to find conflict painful and frightening and do all we can to avoid it. Sometimes
we pretend it is not there or withdraw. Often, once we go into the conflict, we feel
triggered and react by either attacking the other or defending ourselves. We contract,
become narrowly focussed and more and more convinced that we are right and the
other is wrong. It becomes a matter of winning or losing. There is always the fear that
the conflict may escalate into violence.
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” Gandhi
“Swearing doesn’t make your argument valid; it just tells the other person you have lost
your class and control.” Shannon L. Alder
Solution
Welcome conflict and embrace it as an inevitable part of human experience. See the
other as yourself and sense the feelings and needs that underpin the outer expression.
Create a sense of safety, possibly by bringing in a facilitator, in order to hold a bigger
perspective and allow winwin solutions to emerge. Bring compassions to the conflict
and see it as an opportunity for learning and deepening intimacy. Would you rather be
right or happy?
References:
● Exercise: Working with Conflict – Theory and Practice (to be linked)
● Non Violent Communication (NVC) https://www.cnvc.org/
● Process Work www.rspopuk.com
Submitted by: Robin and Kosha
Developed in collaboration with
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