Description of Challenge
Most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from miscommunication about their human
needs, due to coercive or manipulative language that aims to indue fear, guilt, shame, etc. These
“violent” modes of communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the
participants away from clarifying their needs, feelings, their perceptions and their requests, thus
perpetuating the conflict. Moralistic judgements, demands that threaten the listener with blame or
punishment or denial
“When someone shouts "Fck you!", what they really mean is, "I am so in pain that I can't
express my real needs and feelings." Caverly
Solution
Non violent communication was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, and invites to practice
empathy with ourselves and the others by focussing attention on four components
observation: an observation specific to time and context is recommended the facts instead of an
evaluation of meaning and significance
feelings: emotions or sensations, free of thought and story
careful: “I feel I did not get a fair deal.” is not a feeling!
needs: universal human needs, instead of particular strategies for meeting needs.
request: request for a specific action, free of demand, and negotiable, using clear, positive and
concrete language.
The three modes of applying NVC are self empathy, receiving empathically, and expressing
honestly.
Adopting non violent communication can become a way of living.
References
Book:
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenbert
Website:
http://www.cnvc.org The centre for non violent communication
Link to website and pdf: The 4 part NVC process:
http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/4partprocess.htm
wiki on NVC:
Submitted by Christina Stadlbauer Still Consulting / Wind Harvest International
Developed in collaboration with
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